


Accidents Happen

by FlashBastard



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Gen, major character discorporation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2020-10-28 14:06:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 18,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20779823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlashBastard/pseuds/FlashBastard
Summary: Crowley is driving safely for a change but it doesn't make a difference





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> When I have a bad day at work I take it out on fictional characters. The plot of this was suggested by someone else and I ran with it.

The plan was simple enough. They would meet at the bookshop and then head out to Tadfield. Adam was getting married and they had been invited. It was really sweet. He'd even talked his bride to be into having the wedding anywhere other than a church just so that Crowley could actually attend. They'd stayed in contact over the years. 

Crowley decided that they were going to leave a full day early so that they could just take their time getting to Tadfield instead of having to be in a hurry. Yes, it was only about a four hour drive under normal circumstances but it wasn't often that he had a chance to just take his time getting somewhere. And Aziraphale not only appreciated the slow pace but enjoyed getting to look at the scenery. He especially loved it when they spotted cows. 

As expected, Aziraphale was running a bit behind when Crowley got to the bookshop. 

"What is taking so long, angel?" Crowley asked with a bit of annoyance in his tone. 

"I can't decide." Aziraphale was looking through a pile of books on his desk. Crowley just rolled his eyes. He walked over to the desk and picked up a book, holding it out to the angel. 

"There you go, decision made." Crowley grinned. Aziraphale looked over the book and then just nodded and put it in his bag. "Are you ready to go now?" 

"Yes, I think so." Aziraphale said before checking his bag one more time. After he was done going through it he nodded and closed it up. "Yes. Ready to go." He smiled and started toward the car, bag in hand. 

"Thank Satan." Crowley said with a sigh as he followed. He had to wait while Aziraphale locked up the shop and then they got into the Bentley and started to drive. They were barely down the street when he noticed Aziraphale staring at him. 

"What?" He asked without taking his eyes off the road. 

"You're....actually driving safely." Aziraphale raised an eyebrow. "Are you quite alright?" 

"Yes, I'm fine." Crowley shook his head. "I just thought that maybe this time you might like to not fear for your life, that's all." He shrugged. 

"Well, that's very kind of you." Aziraphale said with a smile before looking out the window. It was nice actually getting to see the city as they drove through it. 

"After all these years you're still surprised when I do something....." Crowley's words were cut off suddenly. A big, black SUV plowed into the side of the Bentley, shoving it across the road and up onto the sidewalk. There was a lot of noise and a lot of commotion going on outside before Crowley completely lost consciousness. 

The blackout lasted about ten seconds from what he could tell. Maybe that was wrong. It felt a lot longer, but everything was still a huge mess. He blinked a few times to try to clear his vision but things were still just a bit fuzzy. And then he looked beside him. He looked to the passenger side of the car. The side of the car that had taken the brunt of the impact. 

"No....no no no no no...." Crowley was fine with himself getting hurt. He didn't care about that, but he started to panic when he saw Aziraphale. There was blood everywhere. Some coming from his head. He was pinned into the car and his left arm and leg were in positions that weren't natural for an arm and a leg. 

"Zira.....Zira I need you to wake up, okay?" Crowley looked up into Aziraphale's face and saw his eyes open. His head wasn't in a very natural looking position either and there was no life in those beautiful eyes. 

"Zira......you need to wake up....." Crowley's voice cracked as he patted his friend's cheek. It was pretty obvious to anyone looking on that the angel had most definitely been discorporated. 

"Sir? Sir, are you alright?" Someone asked as they knocked on the driver side window. Crowley didn't care that his sunglasses had been knocked off his face. 

"Of course I'm not bloody alright, you stupid git! Does it look like I'm alright to you?" He tried to open the car door but it was jammed shut from the impact. 

"I'm going to go get help." The man yelled through the window before taking off. Great, just what he needed. Crowley closed his eyes and did his best to miracle the whole situation away. Unfortunately a sharp pain in his head kept him from being able to do much more than open his door. He stumbled out of the car and stood there, staring at the rather large, black car that was currently attached to his Bentley. 

"You....." Crowley said as he limped around to the driver of the SUV. "Are you in one piece?" He asked with a dangerous tone. 

"I should be asking you that. I'm so sorry...." The man started as he looked at Crowley. 

"Oh, not yet you aren't." Crowley practically growled. 

"What about your friend? Is he...." The man started. 

"Dead, yes. Very much so." Crowley continued to glare at the man who was still just sitting in his car. He was a bit stuck as well, but his airbag had deployed so he seemed to be fine other than possibly broken legs. "You know, funny thing about those protective airbags. Sometimes they have these little defects." 

"Mine seem to be fine...." The man was starting to worry, though, and was really hoping that help would get there soon. 

"Do they really? Because I feel like something happened when they deployed." Crowley snapped his fingers. Suddenly blood started to spread from the middle of his chest. "I feel like a few tiny shards of metal were ejected into your heart when the airbag deployed." He left the man there to die as he went back to his car. Crowley didn't care that there were people standing around watching. A quick miracle and the cars were separated enough that he could actually get between them. The car was completely mangled, though. It would take a lot more effort than he could muster at the moment to fix any of it. 

"Sir, are you alright?" It was always the first question asked in a situation like this. Crowley just stared at the fireman who'd come up to him. 

"I don't know." He shook his head and then winced at the pain. Head injury for sure, his leg was killing him, his side hurt. He didn't feel very good at all. The problem with being a demon who wore all black was that any blood, which just happened to be black, was immediately hidden. "My friend...." He pointed to the car, his voice breaking again. "My friend is dead...." 

"Let's get you looked at, okay?" He started to lead Crowley over to an ambulance. 

"No, no. I'm fine. I'll be fine. I just.....my friend. Please...." Crowley kept his eyes on the car. 

"We're looking after him. You need to sit down." The fireman said. Crowley let him lead him to the ambulance to get looked at. The EMT looked a little familiar but he couldn't quite place the face. She also seemed very unphased by his snake eyes and his black blood. 

"Crowley, you need to let me check you out, okay?" She said with a smile. She wasn't sure what they could do if he lost enough blood that he needed a transfusion. Crowley blinked a few times as he looked at her. 

"Pepper?" He tilted his head. When had she moved to London? He couldn't remember. 

"Yes. Now, just relax and let me look after you." She started checking him for open wounds. Fortunately it looked like his head was just a nasty bump. The black blood would have shown up easily in his red hair. 

"Zira...." He looked over at the car that they were working tirelessly to try to get open. "He's....." Crowley couldn't even finish. He felt tears rolling down his cheeks. 

"I know. I'm so sorry." She said softly as she continued to check him out. 

"This can't be right....." Aziraphale said as he looked around him at the white walls and the big windows. "This....isn't right at all...." He turned in a circle. 

"I'm afraid it is." Azrael said as she appeared next to Aziraphale. 

"I don't understand..." He looked at her with a raised eyebrow. Why was he in Heaven? How could he be there when he was just in the car. Azrael waved her hand and a projector appeared with a rather large screen opposite it. A wave of her hand and the scene from Earth was displayed for them to watch. 

"You've been unceremoniously discorporated." Azrael said with a little bit of a sigh. Aziraphale's eyes went wide as he saw the state of the Bentley. The rather large car that had rammed into them. The police and fire and ambulances that were all around. 

"Discorporated.....but....." Crowley was actually being safe, was the next thought he had. 

"I know. It was an accident. They happen from time to time." Azrael shrugged. 

"I have to get back. He'll be worried.....oh God......Crowley....." He didn't care if Heaven knew that they'd been together. And if he was in Heaven, what if Crowley was discorporated and back in Hell? What would happen then? The "camera" shifted and showed Crowley sitting in the back of an ambulance. 

"He'll live. Though that doesn't seem like the option he'd prefer." Azrael looked at the demon's face. He was completely broken. It was almost touching. 

"I have to get back." Aziraphale looked for the way he'd gotten back last time. 

"I'm afraid that's not an option...." Azrael said. "This discorporation is a bit....well....permanent this time." She sighed. "I'm sorry." 

"I...." Aziraphale looked around him again and then looked at Azrael. "I have to talk to him." He was desperate. 

"I'm afraid that's not going to be an option." Azrael shook her head, but then she stopped and furrowed her brow a moment. "Unless....." 

"Unless?" Aziraphale raised an eyebrow. Unless was a good option. 

"It would mean giving up Heaven completely. You would never be able to come back." She didn't know any angel that was willing to do that. 

"Oh..." Aziraphale bit his lip. He looked out the rather large window that stared down onto London. The city that he'd come to love so very much. And then he looked at the projections. At Crowley who looked so completely lost. "Okay." He said with a nod. 

"I'm sorry, what?" Azrael asked. 

"I'm willing to do whatever it takes if it means I can get back there to him." Aziraphale nodded. Azrael just stared at him for a long moment. 

"Okay. But you're not going to have a physical form. You're just going to be a spirit. Can you handle that?" 

"So....I won't be able to touch anything or....anyone?" Aziraphale raised an eyebrow. 

"You might be able to. With enough practice. But it's not going to be the same. For lack of a better word, Aziraphale, you're going to be a ghost." Azrael made a face. 

"A ghost? So, you're telling me that the only way to get back to Earth and to Crowley is to.....haunt him?" Aziraphale raised an eyebrow. 

"That's it, exactly." Azrael nodded. "You can probably get better at being corporeal after a while. Might actually be able to be seen by humans, but it's not likely. And you'll have to work at it. But he's not going to be able to touch you. Not really." 

"But I can be there for him. So he's not alone." Aziraphale nodded. "That's what matters." 

"Alright. Let's get to work." Azrael shrugged. She hadn't ever done it before, but she knew it could be done. It would just take a bit of time. 

Crowley's injuries were all miracled away. He'd had a few more than he realized but Pepper had taken very good care of him until they could get him somewhere that he could fix himself. He'd seen them take Aziraphale's body away covered by a sheet. He'd smiled a little when they did the same to the other driver. Pepper knew better than to ask questions. She told him that she'd pass the word along to Adam. She'd been planning to leave for Tadfield at the end of her shift. 

"I can stay with you for a bit if you like." She offered as she sat in her car outside Crowley's flat. 

"No, that's alright. You go on. Tell Adam I'm sorry I can't be there." He cleared his throat. 

"I'm sure he'll completely understand." Pepper nodded and when Crowley shut her car door, she took off. He just stood on the sidewalk for a moment, staring up at his building before going to his favorite pub to get completely and absolutely hammered. 

That had been a month ago. He had gotten very drunk and then he'd gone to sleep and he wanted to sleep for eternity but that wasn't going to happen. Especially since he couldn't let his houseplants forget to be afraid of him. After he woke up and watered his plants, he looked around his flat and decided he needed to get out. He had to go check on the bookshop. 

Crowley made his way inside and just stood in the middle of the shop, staring at it. At least this time it wasn't on fire. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine Aziraphale was there. He wanted the angel back. He'd tried to miracle him back into existence but it just didn't work. Nothing he did worked. 

"You've gone and left me again and this time you're not coming back." Crowley closed his eyes, dropped to his knees and started to cry. 

"I'm afraid that's where you're quite wrong." Aziraphale said softly. Crowley was pretty sure that he was the only one that would have heard it. He was also pretty sure he was losing his mind. 

"Zira?" He opened his eyes and scanned the shop. He could feel that someone was there but he couldn't see them. "Where are you?" 

"I'm here. In a way." Aziraphale said. "It's taking quite a lot of effort." 

"Effort? Why effort? Zira, just.....where are you?" Crowley got to his feet and turned in a circle. The lights started to flicker and eventually went out completely. A small, white light in the shape of a ball started to appear in front of Crowley. 

"As I said, Crowley, I'm here. Just not in the way you might think." The voice was coming out of the ball of light. 

"Zira....what's going on?" Crowley tried to touch the light but his fingers went right though it. 

"It was the only way I could get back. I'm afraid I've gone and gotten myself discorporated again." Aziraphale replied. 

"Very aware of that." Crowley said darkly. "Why can't I see you like last time?" 

"Because last time I was still an angel." Aziraphale answered. Crowley furrowed his brow. He didn't like the sound of that at all. 

"And you're not an angel anymore?" 

"I'm afraid not." Aziraphale answered him. The light was starting to get a little bit smaller as they talked. "You see, the only way to get back this time was to become a ghost." 

"A ghost." Crowley said with a nod because that made total since. "So now you're haunting me, is that it?" Crowley was definitely convinced he was going crazy now. 

"Not you specifically, no. Just the shop." Aziraphale replied. "I can't leave the shop, I'm afraid. And I'm most definitely stuck in the clothes that I was wearing when I was discorporated." 

"Shouldn't be a problem since you wore them all the time anyway." Crowley shot back instinctively. He shook his head. "Sorry." 

"No, you're quite right. I do always wear the same thing, don't I?" There was a little bit of a chuckle. "Listen, Crowley, I don't have much time before I run out of energy. I need you to make sure no one buys the shop." 

"Don't even have to ask." Crowley said with a nod. He'd had the plan since Aziraphale said he was stuck there. "Nobody gets haunted by you but me." He said with a chuckle. 

"I have to go, now, but I wanted to tell you I'm sorry." The little ball of light was getting smaller. 

"It's not your fault, angel. Not your fault at all." Crowley replied with a heavy sigh. He'd made sure that the human responsible had actually ended up in Hell and was being punished accordingly. 

"Crowley. You should know something. I've been hiding it for a very long time but I need to tell you." It was taking everything that he had to talk to Crowley. 

"What is it?" Crowley asked, moving a little closer to the fading ball of light. 

"Crowley, I....." And then the ball of light disappeared and Crowley was alone in the shop. Well, not really alone. He could still feel Aziraphale around him. But the angel had lost all ability to communicate with him. He had a pretty good feeling what Aziraphale was going to say, though, and he just smiled.


	2. In Memorium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The residents of the area plan a memorial for Aziraphale with Crowley's permission.

The first thing that Crowley had to do was miracle up a will and a death certificate. After having both of those in his hand, he had to sit and cry for a good thirty minutes. It made everything absolutely final. Aziraphale really was discorporated permanently. The will said that everything that had been Aziraphale's was now Crowley's and that included the bookshop. Crowley hadn't realized that Aziraphale actually owned the entire building, which took up a whole block, and that he was letting his tenants run their businesses rent free until all the paperwork was signed. 

"The only thing that's changing is the name on the deed." Crowley assured his tenants. Aziraphale would be very angry with him if he started trying to charge rent. The solicitor that Crowley had spoken to said his claim to the property would be strengthened if he were actually living there. He took his time moving in. He decided not to change a single thing about the flat above the shop other than moving his houseplants. They actually fit in quite nicely with the decor. 

"I think I'm all set." Crowley said with a little smile. He felt a slight chill and then there was that presence that told him Aziraphale was there, watching him. "I'm doing everything I can, angel." He sighed heavily as he ran his fingers over one of the leaves of his plants. He could have sworn he felt Aziraphale's hand brush his. Crowley raised an eyebrow when there was a knock at the bookshop door. 

"I'm sorry, we're closed." Crowley said as he opened the door just a bit. 

"Oh, I know, sir. My name is Francine. I run the little bakery two doors down. Mr. Fell has been so kind to all of us in the building. We're so sorry to hear of his passing." The woman actually reminded Crowley a little bit of Madame Tracy. 

"Thank you." Crowley offered a small smile. 

"We, the other tenants and I, were wondering if you would be okay with us holding a little memorial service here in the shop." She was holding tightly to the edge of her apron as she asked. Crowley could tell she was extremely nervous. He opened the door a little wider and cleared his throat. 

"I...um....I think that'd be wonderful, actually. Anyone that wants to come. I'll arrange refreshments." He cleared his throat again. He was trying very hard to keep from crying. 

"Thank you, sir. Thank you so much. I'll give you all the details when we know exactly when we'd like to arrange it. Thank you." She smiled. 

"I'm the one that should be thanking you, actually." Crowley smiled back and then shut the door when Francine went off to tell the others. "You hear that, Zira? They want to give you a little service. The people around here really like you." There was another little cold draft and the sensation of being touched. 

"Who's this?" Sgt Shadwell answered the phone as he always did. He hadn't quite gotten the hang of phone etiquette even after all these years. 

"This is Crowley." The demon answered. 

"Your honor." Shadwell's tone changed immediately. "What can I do for you?" 

"You can put Tracy on the phone." Crowley always kept things short and to the point with Shadwell. 

"Misses! The phone is for you!" Shadwell called as he put the phone down on the table. There was a little bit of discussion in the background and then Tracy picked up the phone. 

"Hello?" She said softly. 

"Madame Tracy. " Crowley's tone changed a bit. He was far more friendly with her. 

"Oh, Mr. Crowley. How are you doing, love? I was so sorry to hear about Mr. Aziraphale." There was a hint of sadness in her tone. 

"Actually, that's why I called. I need some help. Could you come by the shop? Whenever you have a chance." Crowley cleared his throat. He'd been doing that a lot to try to keep his emotions under control. 

"Of course, dear. I can come by tomorrow. I'm afraid I don't remember the bookshop's address." She rummaged up a piece of paper and a pen and wrote it down when Crowley gave it to her. 

"Thank you, I really appreciate it." Crowley smiled though she couldn't see him. 

"It's no trouble at all, love. See you tomorrow." They both hung up. 

Madame Tracy arrived at the shop the next day. She didn't even have to knock because Crowley had been watching for her. She gave him a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek before shutting the door and hanging up her cape. 

"What is it that you need, dear?" She touched Crowley's arm. 

"There's a bit of a situation that you are uniquely qualified to handle." He bit his lip for a second. "That whole psychic thing wasn't entirely a put on, was it?" 

"Not entirely, no." Tracy shook her head. "Though I am very limited on what I can actually do." She looked around the bookshop for a moment before looking back at Crowley. 

"So, here's the thing. Aziraphale....well....he's not an angel anymore. He gave up Heaven to get back down here and now he's haunting the bookshop." Crowley gestured to the shop around him. Madame Tracy just stared at him for a long moment. 

"Oh that is so very romantic." She said softly. Crowley raised an eyebrow. "Darling, think about it. Aziraphale gave up all of Heaven to be here with you haunting the bookshop. That's how much he loves you." She smiled. 

"That's how much he loves his bookshop." Crowley said with a rather adamant shake of his head. Crowley was suddenly very cold all over and one of the books fell off a nearby table. "He's never done that before....." Crowley tilted his head. 

"He's disagreeing with you, love. It's not the bookshop he came back for." Tracy smiled and started to get a bit misty eyed. It was so beautiful. 

"Right." Crowley wasn't at all sure how to handle that information. He just sniffed a bit and looked at the book that was now on the floor and then looked at Madame Tracy again. "The thing is, I need to strengthen his connection to the bookshop. He needs to be stuck here." 

"Why would you want that, dear?" Most people wanted their loved ones to move on. 

"Like I said, he gave up Heaven. If he's not here haunting the bookshop, he just.....disappears. No Heaven, no Hell, nothing. Just.....nonexistence. I can't let that happen." Crowley ran his fingers through his hair. "And I'm hoping that maybe strengthening his connection to the bookshop could help him....I don't know.....manifest." He shrugged. 

"Right. So you want to keep him here so that he keeps being at all." She could understand that. "I'm sure I can do it but it's going to take a lot of work. And several people. They'll all need to be here specifically for Aziraphale." 

"Would a....memorial service be of assistance?" Crowley raised an eyebrow. 

"Absolutely. That's the kind of energy that will help keep him here. I know a couple of spells that can lock him down." She smiled. Crowley gave her all the details that Francine had given him that morning. He set her up in a hotel room and then got to work. He needed for Aziraphale to be able to stay. 

Crowley had been expecting a small gathering of maybe thirty or so people coming to pay their respects and say a few words. They could all still fit in the bookshop and it wouldn't be a problem at all to provide refreshments. What he hadn't expected was literally hundreds of people coming by the shop and standing around outside. They'd gotten a special permit to block off part of the street so that everyone would have a place to gather. There was a podium with a microphone so they could all say a few words if they wanted. 

Crowley stood completely amazed as person after person got up and talked about how Aziraphale had helped them in some way or another. They all had the same story. They would need help and Aziraphale would give it to them. They would try to thank him and he would decline, saying it was just part of being a good person. Over and over and over again. He always helped and never wanted anything in return. 

While all of this was going on, Tracy was in the shop working her magic on trying to make sure Aziraphale was firmly rooted in the bookshop and would never disappear. 

"And now a few words from the new owner of the building." A rather vibrant drag queen said from the podium. She had rainbow hair and garish makeup and Crowley had a pretty good idea of why Aziraphale had liked her so much. She was pointing at Crowley for quite a few seconds before his brain connected that his legs needed to be moving. 

"I....well. I was quite surprised to see all of you here. I thought there'd maybe be a couple of dozen people at best. But to see all of this....." He motioned out to the crowd. "I guess when I really think about it, it's not that surprising after all." Crowley smiled a little. "The man that you all knew as A.Z. Fell was my absolute best friend for a very, very long time. I went out of my way to do something almost impossible just because he said he'd never talk to me again if I didn't." Crowley chuckled and there were murmurs of laughter in the crowd. 

"He had that effect on people. He never asked for anything in return, but you would move Heaven and Earth if he ever needed it. He was......the best person I have ever met in my life. And not just because of how kind he was. But because he saw me, a wretched creature that some would call absolutely evil, and he offered me shelter. He took me under his wing and we became best friends. Even when we fought, we never stayed mad at each other for long." Crowley cleared his throat. His voice was starting to shake. He took a minute to take a few deep breaths to try to calm down. 

"He loved me even when I didn't deserve it. Of course he never thought I didn't deserve it. Everyone deserves love, he would say. And he forgave me when I was absolutely unforgivable." Crowley had to pause to wipe at his eyes. "I was selfish, though. I kept my feelings to myself. I didn't tell him what was really going on. What I'd thought about him from the very first moment I met him." Crowley took another deep breath. 

"I was so completely in love with him with everything that I was. I did everything I could to keep him safe, even if it meant hurting myself in the process. I should have told him while he was alive. While we had the chance, but I didn't. I kept it all inside and now I will never be able to tell him how much I will always love him." The last couple of words almost didn't make it out and Crowley actually started crying. The drag queen put an arm around his shoulders. There were some words of encouragement from the crowd and Crowley made his way off the stage. No one was offended when he decided to go hide in the bookshop for a bit. 

"Crowley....." Aziraphale said softly. His voice didn't sound quite right but it was his voice nonetheless. Crowley looked up at the transparent apparition standing in the middle of the bookshop. 

"Zira....." Crowley still had tears rolling down his cheeks. 

"It's an amazing thing, the power of love." Madame Tracy said from the other side of the ghost. "I'm afraid he's not solid so you're not going to be able to touch, but he'll be able to appear to you whenever he wants now. And he's definitely not leaving the shop." 

"Thank you." Crowley went around the ghost and gave Madame Tracy and huge hug. "Thank you so much. Anything you need from now on you just ask and it's yours. I don't care what. It's yours." Crowley gave her a kiss on the cheek. 

"I'll keep that in mind, dear. Now, I need to get back before the mister starts to worry." She smiled and patted Crowley's arm. 

"Zira...." Crowley turned to the ghost who was now looking at him. Oh he wanted to touch him, to hold him close. "I'm.....I'm sorry." 

"What on Earth are you apologizing for, Crowley?" Aziraphale tilted his head a bit. 

"For...well...." Crowley gestured to Aziraphale's form. 

"This isn't your fault in the slightest and you know it, silly man. Stop blaming yourself." He moved a little closer to Crowley. "But you can blame yourself for not telling me how you feel. Though Tracy did tell me that it was your love that was able to do this." 

"Not just me. There are hundreds of people out there that love you. I never realized how much good you were actually doing around here." Crowley looked toward the door and then back at the ghost in front of him. 

"Part of the job description." Aziraphale said with a shrug. Crowley laughed softly and shook his head. 

"You're incredible." He smiled. "I'm just glad that I've got you back, in a way. Maybe I can find a way to make you at least partially corporeal." 

"We can worry about that another time, dear. For now you have guests to attend to. And I need to check on my books." Aziraphale smirked a little. 

"Everything is in it's place, angel. The shop hasn't even been open this whole time." Crowley chuckled. He wanted so bad to kiss his angel but he would have to do with just being able to look at him. 

"I'll see to that myself, thank you." Aziraphale did smile before floating off to inspect the books. Crowley just rolled his eyes and went back to deal with the rather large crowd of people that loved his angel almost as much as he did.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley makes some changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter than the others but I always take it as a sign to stop writing when I have to actually concentrate on what I want to write next.

Crowley decided to turn the bookshop into a library. He certainly didn't need the money from book sales to keep the place open. Also he felt that he wasn't really good at the whole sales thing. Especially after spending twenty minutes talking someone out of buying a book. It was much easier to just let people borrow the books. Aziraphale had been rather unhappy with the idea until he watched Crowley put together a special section that was not allowed to leave the shop under any circumstances. The most rare books were put in that section. Of course it was renamed The A.Z. Fell Memorial Library. 

"You know he'd be absolutely devastated that you let people touch his books." Angeline said when she walked into the now library and looked around. 

"I don't know about that." Crowley said with a shrug. Of course Angeline couldn't actually see Aziraphale standing over close to the special books. "I keep his favorite ones under lock and key. The only ones that actually get to leave the building are the ones he really didn't like anyway." 

"Like the Jeffrey Archer books." Angeline said with a grin. Crowley laughed and nodded. 

"Exactly. I don't even know why he stocked them." He shook his head and tried to ignore the look that the ghost was giving him from the corner. 

"I think it's really great that you're doing this, hon. This shop has meant quite a lot to us in the neighborhood. We were all afraid it was going to go away." Angeline picked up a book and just held it, wanting something to do with her hands. Crowley lightly ran his fingers over some books on a nearby table. There was a hand written sign sitting in the middle that said "It had a blue cover." 

"He'd have come back from the dead just to murder me if I'd shut this place down." Crowley smiled a little, though there was some sadness behind it. "It was his pride and joy." He cleared his throat. Angeline came over and put a hand on his arm. 

"You really did love him, didn't you?" She asked softly. Crowley closed his eyes for a moment. It had been about six months since Aziraphale's discorporation but it felt like it was yesterday. Angeline had been there for him, helping him go through the shop and sort everything out. She was an absolute godsend. Crowley had taken his sunglasses off when they were alone in the shop one day and she didn't flinch. She also didn't ask any questions. It was nice having someone he could just be himself around. He opened his eyes again before smiling at her. 

"More than you can ever know." He sighed a little, then cleared his throat again. "Right. Thank you so much for helping out again, Angeline. You're far more than I deserve." He chuckled. 

"It's no problem at all, love. And please, call on me again if you need anything at all, alright?" Angeline gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before patting his arm and heading out the door. Crowley took a deep breath and let it out slowly before going to sit behind the desk that was now facing the front door. 

"She really is wonderful." Crowley said to the ghost that had moved to stand in front of him. 

"I told you she would be helpful." Aziraphale nodded. He desperately wanted to put his arms around Crowley. Crowley settled into the chair and leaned his head back a bit, almost like he was looking at the ceiling. Aziraphale came around and looked down at him. 

"You have a lot of friends around here." Crowley said softly. 

"They're all wonderful people." Aziraphale nodded. 

"I couldn't have done this without them." Crowley closed his eyes and sighed. "I think I'd still be sitting in the middle of the shop crying." Or possibly worse, he thought. His eyes popped open when he felt what could only be described as cold lips pressed against his forehead. 

"Did you just...." He shifted and turned the chair to look at Aziraphale. 

"I wasn't sure if you'd feel that...." Aziraphale shrugged. "I've been practicing. Azrael told me that if I tried hard enough I could actually touch you. It just takes a lot of effort and practice." 

"Remind me to thank Azrael." Crowley said with a chuckle.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale keeps trying to touch things.

Aziraphale had been doing quite a lot of practicing trying to touch things. He'd managed to move some books a few inches, knock over a glass of water in an attempt to pick it up, and he could move papers off of the desk as a way of getting Crowley's attention. That was as far as he'd gotten, though. He knew that it would take quite a long time for him to get to where he could actually become at least slightly corporeal but he was finding himself extremely impatient. He had discovered, though, that he still had the ability to enter Crowley's dreams. He thought he had lost that when he stopped being an angel but it was an ability he still possessed and used when needed. 

Crowley had cut back on the sleeping since the accident. He had too many times that his dreams turned into nightmares and there was no point in sleeping if he didn't actually get any rest. He did try, occasionally, though. And sometimes he would actually just slip off to sleep out of sheer exhaustion. His body had apparently gotten quite used to the idea of sleep, even though he wasn't supposed to actually need it. This was a night where he'd managed to fall asleep at the desk, his head resting on his folded arms. 

"No..." He muttered softly, shaking his head a bit. He was back in the car. He could see the large SUV barreling toward them but he couldn't stop it. Nothing he did could keep it from ramming into them. And then everything stopped. Aziraphale just smiled at him and reached out to touch his cheek. 

"Crowley, darling, you need to wake up. You're having a nightmare again." Aziraphale gave Crowley a kiss on the lips. It took him a second to realize what was going on and he sat up in the chair, looking around him. He had a paper clip and a post it note stuck to his face and he could hear Aziraphale giggling. 

"Very funny." Crowley made a face as he removed the offending objects and stretched a bit. Sleeping like that wasn't good on his back. 

"It is amusing." Aziraphale smiled. Even with the paperclip removed, there was still the shape of it on his face. 

"Thank you." Crowley said softly as he got to his feet. He definitely needed to go to his actual bed. 

"There's no need to thank me, my love. I'm simply doing what anyone would do with the ability to do it." Aziraphale shrugged. He floated along beside Crowley as he walked up the stairs. 

"Still appreciate it." Crowley said with a nod. He tried not to look down. The lack of feet still bothered him a bit. At least if he didn't look down he could pretend Aziraphale was actually there. 

"It's no trouble at all." Aziraphale said with a nod. He waited for Crowley to open the bedroom door before going in. Crowley had said on numerous occasions that just going through the doors and walls was unsettling. One thing Crowley didn't seem to mind was Aziraphale watching him as he got ready for bed. He changed out of his shirt and jeans, slipping on a pair of black silk pajamas and climbing into the bed that was very much Aziraphale. The cream colored sheets and the tartan duvet and pillow cases. Crowley hadn't bothered to change any of it. 

"I'll be downstairs if you need anything, dear." Aziraphale said with a nod before he started to leave the room. 

"Stay." Crowley said as he watched the ghost of his love hovering close to the door. "Please." He was still shaken up from the nightmare, even though Aziraphale had stopped it. 

"Alright." Aziraphale nodded and made his way over to "lay down" on the bed. It was more for show than anything else. Crowley rolled onto his side and closed his eyes, sighing softly. Aziraphale concentrated. He shifted closer and wrapped his arms around Crowley, wanting with everything that he had to hold him. 

"Zira?" Crowley kept his eyes closed. 

"Yes, Crowley?" Aziraphale replied. He wondered if Crowley was going to complain about being cold, as he'd done before. 

"I can....feel that." Crowley shifted a little so that he could look at Aziraphale. It was the first time that Crowley felt something other than cold when Aziraphale tried to touch him. 

"You can?" Aziraphale smiled. 

"Yeah. It's....it's nice." Crowley gave him a little smile. He wished for all the world that he could kiss his angel just then but he had to settle for snuggling into the bed a little more and enjoying the sensation of arms around him. Maybe now he'd actually be able to sleep. 

"I love you, Crowley." Aziraphale said softly, just holding onto Crowley as he started to drift off. 

"Love you too, Zira." Crowley said sleepily. It wasn't long before he was sound asleep. Aziraphale just continued to hold him, making sure his dreams wouldn't shift to nightmares again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fifteen years after the accident, Crowley has to clear something with Aziraphale.

It had been fifteen years since the accident that led to Aziraphale haunting the bookshop that was now a library. It was doing very well. Crowley actually seemed pretty happy as he ran the place. And it helped that Aziraphale was still around. He'd gotten much better at touching things. He was actually able to help straighten up a bit after hours. He would also clean up a bit on the occasions when Crowley had to run errands. 

Usually when Crowley came back he had a few new books in his hands or some other kind of shopping. He'd be whistling sometimes and just call out to let Aziraphale know that he was back. Today was a little different. He did come back from a run to the grocery store to restock his favorite coffee flavoring, most people called it whiskey, but he was a bit quieter than usual. 

"Everything alright, dear?" Aziraphale asked as he floated over closer to Crowley. He offered to take the bottle but Crowley just looked at him for a moment. 

"I'm.....not sure." Crowley cleared his throat as he just stared at the ghost that was his best friend. He'd gotten much better at being corporeal over the years as well so he wasn't actually staring through him as he'd been in the beginning. 

"What is it?" Aziraphale asked, putting a hand on Crowley's arm. Crowley shivered a little but tried to hide it. Nothing could change the fact that there was no heat coming off of Aziraphale. 

"I....well...." Crowley cleared his throat. "I've been asked on a date." He bit his lip and looked down a little. 

"Oh. I see." Aziraphale didn't move his hand from Crowley's arm. He just watched him for a moment. "And what did you say?" 

"I said I had to think about it." He cleared his throat again and then went to go put the bottle of whiskey away. "I couldn't just say yes without talking to you first." 

"Do you want to say yes?" Aziraphale asked from where he floated. He hadn't followed Crowley as he moved around the shop. Crowley came back to where he could look at Aziraphale. 

"I'm....not entirely sure." He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. There was a part of him that did want to say yes. "It would mean getting involved with a mortal...." He'd done that before and it hadn't gone all that well. Though Aziraphale was proof that getting involved with an immortal was no guarantee either. 

"I see." Aziraphale nodded and went over to rearrange some books that didn't actually need to be rearranged. "When you were asked, what was the first thought that popped into your head?" He was trying very hard not to sound hurt. 

"Yes." Crowley moved over to stand next to the bookcase that Aziraphale was rearranging. 

"Then why didn't you say that?" There was no missing the hurt in his tone this time. Crowley desperately wanted to reach out and hold him but they hadn't been able to accomplish that just yet. 

"Because I wanted to talk to you about it first." He put his hand on a book that Aziraphale was about to grab. "If you want me to say no....." Crowley started. Aziraphale looked at him. 

"Do you really, honestly believe me to be that utterly selfish?" Aziraphale raised an eyebrow. The entire room got very cold suddenly. It usually happened when Aziraphale was angry or upset. 

"No, of course not." Crowley shook his head. "But I'm not going to just go on a date without considering your feelings first, Zira. Given everything...." Crowley sighed. Aziraphale had given up Heaven to be with him. He couldn't ignore that. 

"Crowley." Aziraphale sighed himself. He reached out and touched Crowley's cheek. "I truly appreciate that but the truth is, I am just a ghost. I can't give you everything that you need from a relationship." He made a face. They had actually tried that particular aspect and it hadn't gone all that well. "Just promise me one thing?" 

"Anything, Zira. Anything at all." Crowley smiled a little. 

"Don't bring her here." Aziraphale looked a little sad. He wouldn't keep Crowley from having a life but he didn't want to have to watch it. 

"I promise I won't bring him here." Crowley smirked a little. It was slightly amusing that Aziraphale assumed his date was a woman. Aziraphale just nodded and gave Crowley a quick kiss on the cheek. 

"Does he know?" Aziraphale motioned toward Crowley's eyes. 

"Yes, he's aware. And it doesn't bother him in the least." Crowley nodded. The number of humans that knew about him had grown quite a bit over the years. Aziraphale just nodded and went back to rearranging the books. Crowley took his phone and stepped outside to make the call and set up the date.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale makes a decision and Crowley is not okay.

Aziraphale tried to occupy his time while Crowley was on his date but he was finding it difficult. He couldn't concentrate on a book, and there was only so much cleaning he could do without it being completely obsessive. He'd even put away all of the returned books since Crowley hadn't had a chance to that day. After a while he just decided to put on some music and rearrange various papers on Crowley's desk until his return. 

The date had gone well enough. They went to a movie and then went to dinner at a nice restaurant. It was kind of a cliche date but Crowley didn't mind at all. They talked about a variety of topics and had even gone back to his place for some wine after dinner. 

"I really should be going." Crowley said when he realized that he'd been gone for nearly five hours. He was sure that Aziraphale was going crazy. 

"You can't stay?" James asked with a suggestive tone. He lightly ran the back of his fingers over Crowley's cheek. 

"I really can't. I'm sorry." Crowley sighed and got to his feet. James took his hand and kissed the back softly. 

"When can I see you again?" He smiled up at Crowley. Crowley looked down at James for a long moment, taking him in. He was kind and handsome and generally wonderful. There was just something that wasn't quite there. 

"I had a really wonderful time tonight, James..." Crowley started. 

"But it's better if we just stay friends?" James asked as he let go of Crowley's hand. 

"I thought I was over someone and I realized that I'm not." Crowley sighed a little. 

"The old it's not you, it's me." James shook his head. Crowley sat down and took James' hand. 

"This isn't a brush off, James. I promise. I've told you about my history. You know who I really am." Crowley took a moment to remove his sunglasses so he could really look at James. "I spent six thousand years in love with Aziraphale. It's going to take a long time to get over that." 

"I know." James made a face. "I'm just being a bit catty because you really are fantastic." He offered a small smile. "I just have one request." 

"What's that?" Crowley squeezed James' hand. Maybe they could still be friends. 

"If you getting over him happens sometime in my lifetime, will you give me a call?" He smirked a little. 

"I can absolutely promise you that." Crowley nodded and leaned in to give James a quick kiss on the lips. "We really can still be friends, though. If you want." 

"I'd really like that." James nodded. He gave Crowley one more quick kiss before the other man got to his feet and left. 

"So how did your date go?" Aziraphale asked as Crowley came back into the library. 

"Do you really want to know?" Crowley asked with a raised eyebrow. 

"Yes, of course I do." Aziraphale nodded. 

"The temperature in the room would suggest otherwise." Crowley smirked a bit. He could almost see his breath. 

"Oh." Aziraphale sighed and made a face. "I guess I don't really." He shrugged. 

"That's what I thought." Crowley chuckled and moved over closer to Aziraphale. "You might be happy to know there won't be a second date." 

"Good." Aziraphale smiled, then it faded quickly and he tried to look concerned. "I mean...I'm sorry to hear that." 

"It's okay, Zira." Crowley laughed. "You're allowed to be happy about that." Crowley started to go upstairs and Aziraphale followed. 

"Do you mind if I ask why there won't be another date?" Aziraphale moved ahead and opened the bedroom door for Crowley. 

"We just decided to stay friends." Crowley shrugged and went into the bedroom to start getting changed for bed. 

"Oh." Aziraphale nodded. He was quiet for a long moment. "May I ask why?" Crowley sighed but continued to get undressed. 

"Because it takes a very long time to get over loving someone for six thousand years." Crowley decided to be honest. 

"Crowley...." Aziraphale started. Crowley shook his head. 

"It's fine, Zira. Really. It's probably better not to get involved with a moral anyway. He'll just end up dying on me in a few decades and then I'll have to start all over from scratch." Crowley shook his head. 

"I'm sorry." Aziraphale said as he moved over closer to Crowley. 

"That wasn't....Zira I didn't mean...." Crowley wasn't thinking when he reached out to put a hand on Aziraphale's shoulder. The shock came from him actually being able to put a hand on Aziraphale's shoulder. They both just stared at Crowley's hand for a moment. 

"I didn't know you could do that." Aziraphale said. 

"I didn't either." Crowley replied. He moved his hand up to Aziraphale's cheek, still not going through him. "I....but....how long...." He couldn't finish a question. 

"You haven't tried to touch me in years. I don't know...." Aziraphale shook his head. "But....can I try something?" 

"Sure." Crowley nodded, looking Aziraphale in the eye. He wasn't at all surprised when Aziraphale leaned in to kiss him. It felt like kissing someone who just came in from the cold but the kiss was there. He could feel Aziraphale's lips on his. Crowley moved his hand up to try to deepen the kiss and then suddenly the contact was gone. Crowley opened his eyes to find Aziraphale on the other side of the room. 

"Zira....." He started to move toward Aziraphale. 

"I don't know if this is right." Aziraphale was standing there playing with the hem of his coat. "We shouldn't..." He shook his head. 

"Okay. It's alright. We don't have to..." Crowley kept moving closer. Aziraphale looked at him and the only way to describe the look was complete sadness. 

"Crowley. This is just going to make things worse. Being able to touch each other......." Aziraphale was very sure that if he weren't a ghost, he'd be crying. "It's not good for you at all." 

"What do you mean it's not good for me? Zira, what are you saying?" Crowley tried to reach out to him but his hands just went right through. 

"You need to be able to move on, Crowley. The more corporeal I get, the less likely you are to let go. I'm sorry." Aziraphale started to get a little more transparent. "I shouldn't have....this was such a mistake." 

"Zira, wait. Please...." Crowley wished just then that he could grab onto Aziraphale and not let him go. 

"You need to let me go, Crowley." Aziraphale said and then he was gone. 

"Aziraphale! Please!" Crowley turned in a circle in the bedroom but he couldn't feel the presence anymore. Aziraphale was no longer in the bedroom. Crowley made his way downstairs and couldn't feel him either. "Zira, don't do this. Please. I need you." Crowley sank to his knees in the middle of the library and put his face in his hands as he started to cry. 

Aziraphale watched quietly from the corner of the library, remaining completely invisible. It broke his heart to see Crowley like that but he didn't have a choice. He hadn't realized until that night how much he was holding Crowley back. This really would be for the best. Crowley could get on with his life and could be happy. That's what mattered.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley doesn't handle things we

A note was posted on the library door. 

_Due to unexpected circumstances, the library will be closed until the end of the month. All late fees will be forgiven during this time._ (not that he actually charged late fees) _The WiFi will still be available from Mrs Abernathy's tea shop next door, as well as a few laptops if you don't have your own computer. Very sorry for any inconvenience._

Angeline was extremely confused by the posting of the note. She'd been helping out with the library since it opened and had a key to let herself in. She'd been made aware of Aziraphale's presence and had actually started seeing him a few years ago. She'd also gotten very close to Crowley over the time they'd been working together. 

"Tony, dear. Where are you?" She asked as she came into the library. It was completely dark except for the light on the desk. 

"I've asked you not to call me that." Crowley said from behind the desk. 

"It's why I keep doing it." Angeline smiled a little and made her way over to stand next to him. She sighed a little when she saw the look on his face. It was a look she hadn't seen in a very long time. "What is it, love?" She put a hand on Crowley's shoulder. 

"He's gone." Crowley said as he looked up at her. 

"What do you mean, he's gone?" She asked softly. 

"Aziraphale." Crowley cleared his throat. "He's gone." He bit his lip trying to keep it from wobbling. 

"I thought you made sure he couldn't leave?" She looked around the library before looking back at Crowley. 

"I made sure he couldn't leave unless he wanted to." Crowley closed his eyes for a moment. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "But I guess he wanted to." 

"Oh honey." Angeline knelt down beside Crowley's chair and put a hand on his knee. "Are you sure he's really gone? Maybe he's just staying invisible." 

"I can't feel him anymore." Crowley put a hand over Angeline's. It was nice to have a friend that he could really talk to just then. Someone that wouldn't think he was crazy. 

"Did he say why he was leaving?" Angeline furrowed her brow. This was very confusing indeed. 

"He said he's holding me back." Crowley replied. He sighed at the confused look Angeline gave him. "I was asked on a date and I went and it was a nice date but I realized that I'm not over Aziraphale and it wouldn't be fair to James to keep seeing him when I'm in love with someone else." 

"Wait.....James Heathersby?" Angeline asked. 

"Yes, James Heathersby." Crowley chuckled. 

"Oh, he's gorgeous. And very picky. And you got to go on a date with him?" Angeline shook her head. 

"Yes. He asked me on a date and we had a great time but I can't string him along." Crowley felt like Angeline was missing the point. 

"What did he say when you told him you just wanted to be friends?" Angeline got back to her feet and put a hand on Crowley's shoulder. 

"I promised that if getting over Aziraphale happens sometime in his lifetime I'll give him a call." Crowley ran his fingers through his hair. 

"And then you came home and talked to Aziraphale and then he just....disappeared?" It didn't sound right to Angeline at all. 

"I kissed him." Crowley looked up at her. 

"Kissed James?" Angeline raised an eyebrow. 

"No. Well, I mean yes but I meant.....I kissed Aziraphale. I could touch him and he kissed me and...." Crowley sighed. 

"That's when he disappeared?" Angeline patted Crowley's shoulder. "Saying you needed to get over him and move on, right?" 

"Yes, exactly." Crowley nodded. "But I don't want to move on and get over him. It's just going to end up with me getting heartbroken all over again because apparently even immortals don't live forever." Crowley started to pick at a spot on the desk. "So what's the point?" 

"The point is being happy for even just a little while. You became best friends with several mortals over the years. And you lost a couple of them along the way." Angeline squeezed Crowley's shoulder. She'd been there for him after Shadwell's funeral. 

"That's different." Crowley shook his head. He could handle losing a friend. Losing the person you love was completely different. 

"It's not really but I know you well enough to know you're going to argue with me." Angeline made a face. "So what's your plan? You said the library is closed until the end of the month. That's three weeks. What are you going to do?" 

"I am going to sulk for a little while and then I'm going to think about what I really want out of the rest of eternity." Crowley got to his feet and went into the back room to get himself a bottle of scotch. 

"Eternity is a really long time to be by yourself, hon." Angeline sighed. She got a glass and poured herself some scotch, downing it before refilling her glass. 

"I'll figure something out." Crowley nodded before downing his own glass of scotch. "And for right now, I am going to get very, very drunk. You can hang around and join me or you can let yourself out." Crowley picked up the bottle and started toward the stairs to his flat. 

"I think I'm going to let myself out. Call me if you need anything, okay?" Angeline tried to hide the concern in her tone. 

"I will. Thank you, Angie." Crowley went back and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. Angeline made a face. 

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Make sure you're still in one piece." 

"Alright." Crowley nodded and headed up the stairs. Angeline made her way back out to the main part of the library and stood in the center of the room for a moment. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. 

"Listen. I know you're still here. I might not be able to feel you the way Crowley can, but I know you haven't actually left yet." Angeline pointed upstairs. "That man is hurting a lot right now and it is 100% your fault. You better fucking fix this. Got it?" She didn't wait to see if there was some kind of response. She just stormed out of the library and locked the door behind her. 

Aziraphale had heard the entire conversation. He'd simply gone invisible and made it so that Crowley couldn't tell he was actually still there. After a while he went upstairs to check on Crowley, finding him passed out drunk in his bed. He was laying on his front, sideways on the bed and still clothed, the bottle of scotch on the floor under his hand. 

"I'm so sorry." Aziraphale said softly. He made sure that Crowley was properly tucked into the bed and gently stroked his hair. He kissed him softly on the lips and sighed. "I'm going to fix this. I promise." He then lay down next to Crowley and just kept an eye on him as he slept off the booze.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale has an idea.

There wasn't a lot that Aziraphale could do on his own. He could look through the books, yes, but he couldn't exactly call anyone to ask them questions and he certainly couldn't bother the people that knew he existed. He had to just hope that he could find out the information he needed in the books they had on hand. It took him about six months of searching because he could only work when Crowley was either out of the shop or asleep. 

"Alright, Angie. I'm heading out. I'll see you in a week, okay?" Crowley said as he started for the door. 

"Please try not to call and check on things. You know I can handle this." Angeline laughed softly. Crowley nodded and gave her a kiss on the cheek. 

"Alright. I'll try." Crowley then headed out the door, a bag over his shoulder. When Angeline turned around she let out a rather undignified shriek at Aziraphale standing in front of her. 

"Give a girl a warning, will you?" Angeline shook her head. 

"I do apologize. I didn't mean to startle you." Aziraphale smiled a little. 

"I'm still mad at you, you know?" Angeline made her way over to the desk and took a seat. 

"I'm very well aware. You've been telling me nonstop for quite some time." Aziraphale made a face. "Where is Crowley going, anyway?" 

"Well, if you'd been paying attention you'd know he's off to a conference. At least that's what he says. I think he just doesn't want me to pry." Angeline rolled her eyes. Aziraphale just frowned. Crowley wouldn't go to a conference. Not willingly anyway. "So, why have you randomly decided to reappear?" Angeline raised an eyebrow. 

"I think I have a solution to the problem at hand." He motioned to himself. 

"What kind of solution exactly?" Angeline was now very suspicious. 

"I think I've found a way to get Azrael to recorporate me." Aziraphale grinned. Angeline tilted her head a bit. "Oh don't look at me like that." 

"This is the kind of thing that usually doesn't work out very well for anyone. How do you know Azrael will agree to do it? And how do you know it'll even work? And what kind of a price are you going to have to pay to get it to work? Are you going to be immortal or mortal? Because I seriously doubt that Crowley would be able to handle losing you again." Angeline almost didn't take a breath the entire time. 

"I don't know if Azrael will agree to do it, but I have to try. The price and whether or not I'm immortal is entirely up to Azrael. But for Crowley, I'm willing to pay any price necessary. I can't let him be miserable anymore." Aziraphale sighed. Angeline moved over to stand in front of Aziraphale. 

"It's been six months, hon. I'm not sure that he actually is miserable anymore." Angeline bit her lip. "You really haven't been paying attention, have you?" 

"I've been...researching." Aziraphale seemed to deflate a bit. "You told me to fix this and I've been doing everything I can to try to do exactly that. I'm trying to fix it...." 

"Okay. I get that. But let's say that this all works. Azrael agrees to do what you want her to do and you get your body back and you get to be immortal on top of it. What are you going to do if this isn't what Crowley wants anymore?" Angeline sighed a little. 

"I guess I'll just have to ask him." Aziraphale straightened his shoulders. "But I need to know that it can be done before I ask him if it's what he wants. I don't want to give him false hope." 

"I think maybe it'd be better if I'm the one that brings it up." Angeline said softly. "He's been a little angry at you for the past few months. Just disappearing on him." She had hoped that he hadn't seen Crowley throwing things and miracling them fixed just to throw them and break them again. 

"Right. You're probably right. You talk to Crowley and I'll talk to Azrael and we can see what's going to happen. Hopefully everything works out the best for everyone." There was a tiny pit in Aziraphale's stomach that reminded him that could mean Crowley never seeing him again. 

"Alright. When he gets back from this trip, I'll find a way to bring it up to him. Do you think you can talk to Azrael before then?" Angeline asked. 

"I can certainly try." Aziraphale nodded. He disappeared shortly after, trying to find a way to summon the angel without raising too much suspicion.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans are made and questions are asked.

"Azrael!" Aziraphale called. He wasn't even sure if that was going to work. At least he knew that, as the angel of death, Azrael would be able to hear him. It was just a matter of whether or not she would actually respond to him. He hadn't tried to contact the angel since his discorporation. 

"Azrael!" He'd been yelling the angel's name for what seemed like hours. Everything was going on in the library around him but no one even knew he was there. A few people had even walked through him. 

"What?" Azrael finally appeared looking very annoyed. 

"I wasn't sure you'd actually answer me." Aziraphale would have blushed if ghosts had the ability to do so. 

"I'm only here because it got you to finally stop yelling. What do you want?" Azrael crossed her arms and just stared at him. They were both standing in the library, though now it seemed that everything had gone dark around them. 

"I need to ask you a question." Aziraphale cleared his throat. 

"Oh goody. I was hoping you weren't just yelling my name for no reason." Azrael rolled her eyes. 

"Yes, well." Aziraphale continued, not picking up on the sarcasm. "I found a way that I can be recorporated but it is going to require your assistance." 

"Excuse me?" Azrael raised an eyebrow. "I thought you were perfectly okay with being a ghost. You've been practicing with your ghostly abilities, haven't you? Is that not enough?" 

"I have been practicing quite a lot, actually. And I've even managed to get to where he can touch me...." Aziraphale explained. "But I'm afraid it really isn't enough." 

"Why not?" Azrael was getting more irritated by the second. 

"Because the times that we can touch are very brief. I hate this longing I have, and I hate how miserable he is all of the time." Aziraphale picked at his fingers. 

"And you want to be corporeal rather than just fading away and letting him get over you." Azrael said rather than asked. 

"Well, when you put it that way...." Aziraphale started. 

"It sounds a bit selfish?" Azrael suggested with a little bit of a smirk. 

"Well, yes actually." Aziraphale sighed. 

"Is this what Crowley wants?" Azrael had been paying attention to the two of them over the years. She had a pretty good idea of what the answer was. 

"I....I don't know." Aziraphale let his hands drop to his sides. "I need to know if it's even possible before I ask him. I don't want to give him false hope." 

"Oh okay." Azrael nodded. "You want to make sure that it can actually be done before you offer him the opportunity. That does make sense. It'd be awful to ask him if he wanted this only to deny it to him." All of the anger and sarcasm was suddenly gone from Azrael's voice. "False hope is the worst thing you can give someone." 

"Exactly." Aziraphale said as he lifted his head to look at the angel. "So tell me, Azrael. Is it even possible? And what would be the conditions? I know there'll be a price. Will I be mortal? There are so many questions." 

"Stop." Azrael held up her hands to get Aziraphale to stop talking. "Listen. It is possible. And there's a way to do it so that you are immortal, to a degree. Just like your corporation was immortal until you unceremoniously discorporated." Azrael made a face. 

"Right. So it's entirely possible. But you haven't answered my question about the price." Aziraphale was very nervous. 

"The price is very simple. As I said, you're no longer allowed in Heaven. Ever. You turned your back on the Heavenly Host. There's no possible way, should anything happen to you in your new corporation, that you could go anywhere but down." Azrael kept her arms crossed. The look she was giving Aziraphale was very serious. 

"Down then." Aziraphale nodded and started to pick at his fingers again. He'd have to be very careful. He knew that Crowley would never forgive himself if anything like that happened. And he would most definitely blame himself. "And that's the only price?" 

"That's the only price, but it is a pretty big one." Azrael smirked a little. She liked that he seemed to not care where he ended up. 

"Very well. I think I can handle that." Aziraphale nodded again. 

"But I'm not going to do it right now." Azreal uncrossed her arms. "You have to find out if this is actually what Crowley wants. He might have resigned himself to never holding you in his arms again. Might be ready to just move on and leave you a ghost." 

"I am aware of the possibility of that unfortunate reality." Aziraphale made a face. "I have someone working on Crowley as we speak to find out what it is that he actually wants. I'll call on you as soon as I have an answer." 

"Yes. Of course you will. Aziraphale, just don't be quite so annoying this time, okay?" Azrael said and she was gone before Aziraphale could answer. The darkness in the library was gone and he was standing alone in the center, no one having any idea what had just taken place. 

Crowley had been gone for a week. The library was still in good condition when he walked in the front door. That wasn't surprising at all, really. He knew that Angeline could be trusted with the place. He just hadn't been gone for that long before. 

"Honey, I'm home!" Crowley called before chuckling as he made his way over to the desk to see if there were any messages for him. 

"Tony, hon, can you answer a question for me?" 

"Sure thing." Crowley looked up and smiled at Angeline. 

"Why are your plants constantly terrified?" Angeline was able to pick up on certain things. She called them vibes. Crowley decided a long time ago that it was mild psychic ability that wasn't truly nurtured. 

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about." Crowley smirked a little as he said it. 

"Fine, don't tell me." Angeline shook her head and came over to the desk, pulling Crowley into a hug. The demon stood there with his arms trapped and acting like he would rather be anywhere else. "Stop it, you know you like it." 

"I have a reputation, Angie." Crowley said with a chuckle. Angeline let him go and stood back a little. 

"I'm going to get some wine and you can tell me all about your trip." Angeline smiled. 

"It was a boring librarian's conference." Crowley tried to maintain a straight face. 

"Yes, and I'm Cleopatra. You sit, we'll talk." Angeline went to go get them a bottle of wine and two glasses. They spent the afternoon sitting in the back and drinking. It took two bottles of wine for Crowley to admit that he'd gone away for the week with James. It had started out as just two friends getting away from everything but ended up with them being a bit more than just friends. 

"He really is wonderful." Crowley said with a nod before finishing off the last of their second bottle. 

"Do you think it's going to be more than just sex?" Angeline asked, sloshing the wine in her glass. She was only a little bit drunker than Crowley. 

"I doubt it." Crowley shook his head. 

"Why do you say that?" Angeline was trying to remember that she was on a mission. 

"I slipped." Crowley hiccoughed and opened another bottle of wine. 

"You slipped?" Angeline chuckled. 

"That last night. We were.....oh it was lovely. Absolutely lovely. The things he can do...." Crowley's eyes went wide and he grinned. "Very talented for someone with limited time to perfect the skill." Crowley chuckled. 

"So what happened?" Angeline was trying not to think about the wonderful things that James Heathersby could do to her as she listened to Crowley. 

"Kind of...got lost in the moment. Let myself drift on the sea of pleasure." Crowley took a very long drink of his wine. "Wasn't really paying attention to what was coming out of my mouth." 

"You didn't....." Angeline gasped, catching on very quickly. Crowley nodded. 

"Called him Zira. Oh that was a mood killer, let me tell you." Crowley sighed heavily. "Honestly, I'm not even sure that sex is an option anymore. And I might have completely ruined our friendship. At least for a little while." 

"I think he understands." Angeline tried to reassure Crowley but she wasn't sure she believed what she was saying. 

"Only time will tell." Crowley chuckled. He sighed and sipped his wine. 

"Speaking of Zira...." Angeline started as she refilled her glass. 

"Excellent seg....seg....um.....transition." Crowley said with a chuckle. 

"Thank you." Angeline giggled. It took her a moment to get her thoughts gathered back together into some kind of actual order. "I um....so.....would you....I mean....." Angeline took a long drink of her wine and cleared her throat. "What if you could have Aziraphale back?" It finally came out. And just like that, Crowley was no longer laughing and smiling. He sat very still on the couch, his expression blank. 

"Why would you ask me that?" He suddenly seemed considerably more sober than he did moments before. 

"Because I'd like to know. If there was a way to get Aziraphale back, would you do it?" Angeline tried to keep her eyes focused on Crowley but it was getting harder. 

"Don't ask me that." Crowley got to his feet and started to clean up the area. 

"Why not? It's a valid question. Would you want him to be alive again if you could?" Angeline asked once more. She jumped when one of the empty wine bottles went flying across the room. 

"Do not ask me that." Crowley almost growled. "That's....completely unfair. To put something like that in front of me." 

"Crowley...." Angeline started. Crowley snapped his fingers and they were both suddenly completely sober. Angeline was not a fan of the feeling at all. Her head was hurting a little bit. 

"Why would you ask me that? Why? When you know it's impossible?" Crowley glared at Angeline. "I thought you were my friend." He turned and started to head toward the stairs. 

"It's not." Angeline said as she got to her feet. She wasn't surprised at all when Crowley stopped, but he didn't turn to look at her. 

"What do you mean?" His hand was gripping the rail tightly. Angeline took a deep breath and let it out slowly. 

"Aziraphale has talked to Azrael. There's a way that he can have a body back." Angeline explained. "A mostly immortal body." 

"Why are you telling me this?" Crowley finally turned to look at her. There was pain and anger swirling in his bright yellow eyes. And the tiniest little bit of hope. 

"He wanted me to ask you if it was what you wanted. Because Azrael said she would only do it if you wanted it too. There's no point in Aziraphale having a body if you want him out of your life." Angeline wrapped her arms around herself as she looked at Crowley. She wanted to pull him into a hug and never let go. 

"It is actually possible? This isn't some what if type of scenario?" Crowley continued to grip the rail to keep his hand from shaking the way his voice was. 

"Yes." Angeline nodded. "It is completely possible. As long as you agree." 

"I...." Crowley stood there on the rail just staring at his friend. What did he actually want? Did he want Zira back? Did he want a chance to move on? A million different questions were running through his mind and he was suddenly wishing that he was very drunk again. "I have to think about it." Crowley cleared his throat. 

"Oh." Angeline's eyes went a little wide. She hadn't been expecting that at all. After a couple of moments, she nodded. "Of course." 

"Is there a deadline?" Crowley reached up and ran his fingers through his hair. 

"Not one that we're aware of." Angeline responded. Crowley nodded and turned to go back up the stairs. 

"I just....need to think about it." He tried to keep his voice as steady as possible. Angeline didn't say a word as he disappeared up the stairs. She waited until Crowley was gone before she turned to look at the ghost on the other side of the room. 

"You get all that?" Angeline asked a little angrily. She'd hated being the one to cause her friend pain. 

"Yes, yes I did." Aziraphale nodded. "Thank you, Angeline." 

"Don't ever make me do that again." Angeline's finger would have been poking the middle of his chest were he a solid person. 

"You have my word." Aziraphale said. Angeline let herself out of the library and Aziraphale stayed downstairs, just looking up at where Crowley was and wishing he could be there holding him. Right now, though, he knew that Crowley just needed some time alone.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley makes a decision with some outside help.

There weren't a lot of people that Crowley kept in touch with over the years. He had one or two that he talked to, but mostly he'd let the people that didn't see him on a daily basis drift out of his life. That wasn't the case, however, with Pepper. She'd made sure that he didn't have any serious injuries immediately after the accident. She'd been there for him at the funeral, which was held a while before the memorial service. She checked on him every couple of months or so. He'd been at her wedding and he even remembered the names of all of her children. As the phone rang Crowley realized that he'd known Pepper for over 30 years. Time really did fly. 

"Hello?" A young voice answered the phone. 

"Is this Franklin?" Crowley asked with a grin. 

"No, this is Tommy." The young boy said with a bit of a pout. 

"I'm terribly sorry about that. You sound far too old to be Tommy." Crowley didn't bother to hide the amusement in his voice. 

"I'm not old at all!" Tommy said. 

"You're right, Tommy. I apologize. Is your mum home?" Crowley walked over and lay down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. 

"She's in the garden. Who may I say is calling?" There was a giggle after the question. 

"You know exactly who this is, don't you young man?" Crowley asked. 

"Alright, alright. I'll go get her." The phone was set down and Crowley could hear the footsteps running away. After a few minutes, the phone was picked up again. 

"Been a little while since you called me." Pepper said. 

"Yes, well. Decided to change things up a bit. Can't let you do all the calling, can I?" Crowley replied. 

"I suppose not." Pepper smiled. "So, what's going on with you, Crowley?" 

"Do you have somewhere that we can talk uninterrupted?" Crowley asked quietly. He was usually very good at hiding his emotion but that didn't seem to be the case today. 

"Yes, of course. Give me just a moment." Pepper put the phone down again. There was the sound of footsteps and doors opening and closing, a handset being picked up and another being hung up and then after a moment, Pepper was on the phone again. "What's wrong?" 

"What makes you think something is wrong?" Crowley tried to feign amusement. 

"You've never asked that our conversation be uninterruptible before." Pepper answered. 

"Fair point." Crowley nodded even though she couldn't see him. He was quiet for a moment. "I need to present you with a hypothetical." 

"Alright." Pepper shifted a little so she was leaning back in her office chair. She worked from home so the kids knew that when she was in her office, she wasn't to be disturbed unless it was an emergency. 

"Let's say for a moment that the unimaginable happens and you lose Peter." Crowley cleared his throat. He didn't like presenting her with the thought of losing her husband. 

"This is a serious hypothetical." Pepper shifted in her chair a bit. 

"Yes." Crowley sighed. "Now, let's say that enough time has passed that you've finally allowed yourself the possibility of moving on. And you've met someone new with whom you have a chance of moving on but things have just gotten started so it's not serious at all." At least that's what he told himself. 

"Have you met someone knew, Crowley?" Pepper asked, a little excited. 

"That's not the point." Crowley sighed again. "There's more to this hypothetical." 

"Alright..." Pepper started. 

"So....time has passed. You still love Peter very much but you've allowed yourself the chance to feel something for someone else." Crowley cleared his throat once more. "And then you are presented with the very real possibility of getting your husband back." Crowley was quiet for a moment. "What would you do?" 

"So, my husband has been gone a long time, I've found someone new but it's just started and someone has told me that I can get my husband back?" Pepper repeated. 

"Yes. What would you do?" 

"Hypothetically speaking, it would truly depend on what I felt for this new person." Pepper started to pick at a spot on her desk as she spoke. "Is this something that could be something real or is it something that just happens to be enjoyable at the moment?" 

"In this particular hypothetical, let's say that the new person will definitely die in say....ten years but getting your husband back could be forever." Crowley ran his fingers through his hair. 

"You've started something new with a mortal but there's a very good chance that your immortal former angel could be considerably less dead." Pepper said. 

"Yes." Crowley rolled onto his side, the phone between his head and the pillow. 

"How do you feel about this new person?" 

"I like him a lot. He's fun to spend time with." Crowley started to say. 

"But can you see yourself loving him?" Pepper interrupted. Crowley was quiet for long enough that Pepper was about to suspect he'd hung up. 

"I don't know. Maybe is the best answer I can come up with." Crowley sighed. 

"And you know without a shadow of a doubt that you are most definitely in love with Aziraphale and that Aziraphale feels the same way about you." This time it wasn't a question. 

"Yes." Crowley said without hesitation. 

"Then I think you have your answer, Crowley." She hoped that the soft smile she had came through in her tone. 

"Thank you." Crowley said with a smile of his own. 

"Now, go do what you need to do. I'm here if you need me." Pepper replied. 

"I know. And I really do appreciate it." Crowley chuckled. "And tell Tommy he's not allowed to grow anymore." 

"I will." Pepper laughed. "I'll call you in a week to check on you." 

"If I don't call you first." Crowley answered. They shared a chuckle before hanging up the phone. Crowley had a phone call to make as well as an angel to summon.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley tells James about his decision

The first phone call that Crowley made after hanging up with Pepper was to James. He wanted to clear things up and make sure that James understood what was going on. He didn't want to do it over the phone, though. Even he wasn't that cruel. He asked James to come over and set everything up in the back room of the library. 

"Hey." James said as he came into the library. Crowley had left the door unlocked. 

"Hi." Crowley said with a smile. When James came over and tried to give him a kiss, he stepped back a little bit and cleared his throat. 

"What's going on?" James asked with a raised eyebrow. 

"I need to talk to you about something." Crowley said, leading James back to the back room. 

"That's never good." James sighed heavily and followed Crowley. When he walked into the back room, Crowley was holding out a glass of wine. 

"It's a bit complicated. And maybe a little hard to explain." Crowley cleared his throat again. 

"Alright." James said as he took the glass of wine and just stared at Crowley. 

"Do you want to sit?" Crowley motioned to the couch. 

"No, I think I'll stand for this." James replied before taking a drink of his wine. 

"Alright." Crowley nodded. He took a drink of his own wine before sitting down on the couch. "Something has come up that I wasn't at all expecting." 

"Oh?" James raised an eyebrow. He just held the glass of wine in his hand as he went to lean back against Crowley's desk. 

"I told you about Aziraphale. About what happened to him?" Crowley asked. 

"Yes, you did." James took a sip of his wine. 

"I didn't exactly tell you everything." Crowley set his wine glass down. "Aziraphale was turned into a ghost. He's been haunting this library since just after the accident." 

"Okay." James was a bit skeptical. He could believe in demons and angels but for some reason ghosts were a bit of a stretch. "What does this have to do with me?" 

"Well, after that week together, I thought that I should be honest with you. I'd actually started giving myself permission to move on and then I was given a bit of information." Crowley ran his fingers through his hair. 

"And what information is that?" James was getting irritated with the run around. 

"There's a good possibility that Aziraphale could be brought back. Azrael, the angel of death, knows of a way that he can get his body back." Crowley picked up his glass of wine and took a drink. James just stood there, staring at him for a long moment. The glass in his hand was on the verge of breaking when he turned around to set it down on the desk behind him. 

"So that's it then? We have that amazing week and now you're just....dumping me? Because of some ghost?" He kept his eyes on the desk, his hands flat against it. 

"James, I am sorry but I told you about Aziraphale. About our history." Crowley got to his feet. 

"Yes. That you knew each other for six thousand years. That you've loved him almost the whole time. I understand. It's just.....frustrating." James replied. 

"Do you understand? Really?" Crowley asked as he moved forward. 

"Yes, of course. How can I expect you to say no to having a second chance with your first love?" James smiled at Crowley over his shoulder. 

"We can still be friends. If you want. I do enjoy talking to you. And spending time with you." Crowley smiled, putting a hand on James' shoulder. 

"Yes, of course." James nodded. "We can be friends." He forced a smile. While it was true that demons could pick up on negative emotions like anger the way angels could pick up on love, sometimes Crowley ignored the feelings. He didn't realize exactly how much anger was rolling off of James because he didn't want to realize it. 

"I'm sorry about all this. I knew that telling you over the phone would be very wrong, though." Crowley nodded. 

"Yes. You're right about that. In person is definitely better." James nodded. "Could I at least get a goodbye hug?" 

"Of course." Crowley nodded and held his arms out. He had a smile on his face as James moved in to hug him. James wrapped one arm around Crowley's shoulders, the other Crowley didn't see coming. His smile faded almost immediately and his eyes went wide as there was suddenly a sharp pain in his torso. James held onto him firmly. 

"You just think that you can play around with people's emotions. You can string them along and make them think that everything is going great and then drop them like a bad habit when something better comes along." He stepped back and pulled the letter opener out of Crowley as he did so. Crowley hadn't seen him pick it up before turning to hug him. James dropped the letter opener that was covered in Crowley's black blood. 

Crowley put a hand over the wound in his abdomen and fell to his knees. His eyes were almost completely snakelike. He just stared up at James with a question on his face. One that he couldn't quite get out of his mouth. James just watched him until he fell face first on the floor. 

"Now he doesn't need a body for you to be with him." James gave Crowley a little kick on his way past. He didn't even bother to run. He just walked calmly, black blood covered hand in his pocket to hide it was he made his way to his car. The library door was left standing open. 

"Zira......" Crowley managed before finally losing consciousness on the floor in the back room of the library.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angeline returns to the library just in time.

There are people that believe that everything happens for a reason. That luck isn't real and that coincidence isn't either. They believe that things are preordained to happen and that there is no way to change fate. If something is meant to be, it will simply be no matter what you do or don't do in that regard. Angeline Michaelson was one of those people. Whenever she lost something and couldn't find it, she simply wasn't meant to have it anymore. Nothing happened without there being a purpose for it happening. It was how she got through a lot of her life without losing her sanity. So when she realized that she had, in fact, left her favorite scarf at the library and needed that exact scarf for a date that night, she knew that it was for a reason. Her mild psychic ability told her that she was needed at the library. That something very important was happening and she absolutely had to be there. 

"Hey, James." She called as she started to approach the library and saw him leaving. He looked both ways to cross the street but he effectively ignored her. "Rude, much?" She rolled her eyes and just kept walking. She was about to call out to Crowley when she noticed the library door standing wide open. 

"Um.....Tony? Everything okay?" She called out as she slowly stepped into the building. It wasn't like him to leave the door open. 

"Zira....." It was faint and it was coming from the back room. 

"Aziraphale? Are you here?" Angeline asked as she kept making her way back to the back room. She gasped as soon as she got back there and found Crowley laying on the floor. "Tony! What happened?" She hadn't noticed the letter opener on the floor nearby. She rolled him over and gasped again at the large spot of black on the rug under him. 

"Angeline, so nice to.....what happened?" Aziraphale asked as he appeared next to Angeline. 

"I don't know. I thought maybe you knew. I saw James leaving and then I came in here and he was like this....." She started to check him over. Angeline wasn't a medical professional but she did at least have basic first aid knowledge. 

"That's a lot of blood...." Aziraphale was staring at the black mark on the carpet. 

"That's blood?" She asked as she looked at it a moment. She put a hand on Crowley's chest and when she pulled her fingers away, they were covered in the same black substance. 

"Demon blood is black...." Aziraphale knelt down next to Crowley. "What happened?" He tried to touch Crowley's head but he couldn't just then. 

"We can't exactly take him to the hospital. What can I do?" Angeline unbuttoned Crowley's shirt and found the wound, putting pressure on it with her hands. 

"I....I don't know..." Aziraphale just stared down at Crowley. 

"Wait...." Angeline looked up at the ceiling. "Azrael! I know you can hear me! You better not be near by!" She called. 

"I don't take the souls of demons." Azrael said as she appeared next to Aziraphale. 

"Is there anything you can do?" Aziraphale asked, almost hopeful. 

"I'm the angel of death, Aziraphale. Healing isn't exactly my forte." She sighed a little. "And him being a demon, there's nobody I can get that will do it." 

"But if he discorporates then he'll end up in Hell...." Aziraphale started. 

"That's not going to happen." Angeline shook her head. She kept pressure on the wound as best she could. "I won't let that happen." She started looking around the room, trying to find something to fix the situation. 

"Zira....." Crowley managed again. His eyes fluttered open for a moment. 

"Crowley. I'm right here..." Aziraphale smiled. He reached out and this time he was able to take Crowley's hand. 

"I'm.....sorry." Crowley said with a cough. 

"You have absolutely nothing to apologize for, my love." Aziraphale replied. He just held onto Crowley's hand. Crowley shifted his head just a little bit and looked at Angeline. 

"Bottom left desk drawer. There's....a bottle....." Crowley coughed again. 

"This is no time for a drink, hon...." Angeline said. 

"Not a drink...." Crowley closed his eyes. It was getting too hard to keep them open. Angeline gave Aziraphale a confused look. He furrowed his brow for a moment and then nodded. 

"Yes, get it." Aziraphale smiled. Angeline got up and went to the desk. She had to get the keys off the top to unlock the drawer. Inside was a bottle of what looked like oil. This was even more confusing but she went back over. "Alright, dear, pour it into the wound." Aziraphale instructed. 

"I....um.....okay...." Angeline nodded. 

"Is that...." Azrael looked at Aziraphale with a raised eyebrow. 

"I believe it is." Aziraphale nodded. Angeline opened the bottle and hesitantly poured the oil into the wound. Crowley hissed and squeezed Aziraphale's hand harder. As the oil worked its way into the wound, he practically writhed on the floor. Aziraphale kept a grip on his hand. 

"I'm sorry, hon." Angeline said. She stopped after a little bit. 

"The....all of it..." Crowley growled. His eyes were completely snake like and he almost screamed as she poured more of the oil into the wound. 

"This is hurting you, Tony...." Angeline was in tears as she watched him. 

"It's helping, I promise." Azrael said as she walked around and put a hand on Angeline's shoulder. She could understand why Crowley and Aziraphale were so fond of humans. Crowley was outright screaming by the time the bottle was empty. After a few more minutes, he went limp on the floor and sighed. His eyes were closed and his grip on Aziraphale's hand had loosened considerably. 

"He's not....." Angeline said between sobs. She hated seeing him like that. 

"No. He's...." Aziraphale bit his lip as he tried to think. "The best example would be a drug induced coma of sorts." 

"He's going to need rest in order to recover." Azrael nodded. 

"But he will recover?" Angeline asked as she wiped at her eyes. She could use a coma herself with how emotionally drained she felt. 

"Yes. He'll recover fully." Aziraphale nodded. "We just need to look after him until he wakes up." 

"And get him into his bed." Angeline sighed. She got to her feet and was ready to pick Crowley up to take him upstairs. Before she could say anything, Azrael snapped her fingers and the four of them were up in Crowley's bedroom. Crowley was neatly tucked into bed in his black, silk pajamas. 

"Forgot about the whole angel thing." Angeline chuckled. She wiped at her eyes again and sighed heavily at the mascara on the back of her hand. "I must look a mess. And I was on my way to a date." 

"Do you want me to....." Azrael held up her hand as if to snap her fingers. Angeline shook her head. 

"No, no. I'm not in the mood for a date right now. I'll go talk to him. Let him know what happened. He'll understand." She sighed heavily. "Maybe he'll actually reschedule." 

"As long as you're sure." Azrael said. She nodded to Aziraphale and then she was gone. Aziraphale looked at Angeline, wanting to give her a hug. 

"What was that stuff?" Angeline ran her fingers through her hair. 

"You're going to find this very strange but it was frankincense oil." Aziraphale replied. 

"Didn't they use that for embalming?" Angeline asked with wide eyes. 

"Not in oil form, no. And with certain words said over it in a certain way it works a bit like a miracle cure for those who aren't human. Though demons don't react the same way angels do." Aziraphale shrugged. Angeline turned back to look at Crowley laying on the bed. 

"James did this." Angeline said, not taking her eyes off Crowley. "I saw him leaving the library. He was acting really weird. He did this." She went over and took Crowley's hand. 

"You're positive?" Aziraphale just stared at Crowley on the bed. Angeline nodded. She knew that they could check the security cameras to be sure. 

"Karma's a bitch." Angeline said, even though she wasn't completely sure she believed in Karma. 

"That it is." Aziraphale said with a nod. Of course in his case, Karma wasn't an abstract idea and was him planning on how he was going to get revenge on James.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley is looked after.

It took two months. Aziraphale was sure that the injury had looked far worse than it was until after the first week ended. He had hoped that Crowley was just taking a bit of a nap but it seemed that wasn't the case at all. Angeline had felt a lot better about putting a sort of dressing on the wound. She would come upstairs every day and check on it, change said dressing if she felt it was necessary. Aziraphale was always right there, checking to see Crowley's healing progress. 

"You're sure he's going to be okay?" Angeline asked at the end of the third week. 

"He should be. This is...new territory for both of us. Everything up to this point has been a hypothetical." He wrung his hands as he watched her change the bandage. 

"So you don't know." Angeline said, though she kept her eyes on what she was doing. 

"I trust Azrael's assessment and she says he's going to be fine." Aziraphale nodded. 

"I'm going to have to take your word on that." Angeline sighed heavily and buttoned up Crowley's pajama shirt before tucking him back in. She got to her feet and stretched her back a bit. This continued on every day. She would come upstairs and check on him, and then go downstairs and run the library. She would then come up and check on him once again before finally heading home. Aziraphale had had to talk her out of staying in the library until Crowley was awake. 

"You know you don't actually have to do that." Crowley said finally after two months of unconsciousness while Angeline was in the middle of giving him a sponge bath. She'd stopped putting bandages on the wound about two weeks prior. 

"It gives me something to do." Angeline said with a bit of a smile. "Glad you're finally back with us. How are you feeling?" 

"Like I've been run over by a stampede of angry elephants." He cleared his throat. His voice was a little hoarse from lack of use. Angeline went and got him a glass of water as he slowly sat up in bed, leaning back against the headboard. 

"That sounds about right." She nodded, handing him the water before sitting on the bed beside him. 

"What happened?" Crowley asked after taking a sip of the water. 

"You don't know?" Angeline raised an eyebrow. 

"I remember officially ending things with James and giving him a hug, and then.....oh....." Crowley's eyes went a bit wide. 

"Oh, what?" Angeline asked. 

"The letter opener....." Crowley started to try to get up. Angeline put her hands on his shoulders to keep him in bed. 

"We found it after." She said. 

"What happened?" Crowley raised an eyebrow, the question having a whole different meaning now. 

"He's been put away. Confessed to everything. Refused a trial. You're apparently not the first person he's done this to. He's completely loony." Angeline shook her head. 

"That's great to find out after the fact." Crowley sighed as he leaned back against the headboard again. 

"What matters, Tony, is that you're okay." Angeline smiled and patted his thigh. 

"I will be." Crowley said with a bit of a stretch. "I was going to talk to Azrael. Never got the chance." 

"Oh? Did you make up your mind, then?" Angeline got to her feet. She knew she could get Azrael there shortly. 

"I did. And this just made the decision that much clearer." Crowley nodded. "I want my Zira back." 

"He'll be happy to hear that." Angeline nodded. 

"Where is he?" Crowley shifted a little in the bed. He knew he wasn't ready to get up just yet. 

"Right here, darling." Aziraphale said as he appeared next to the bed. Crowley smiled and held out his hand for Aziraphale. Aziraphale did his best to sit on the bed and take Crowley's hand. 

"You're very good at lurking. You'd have made an excellent demon." Crowley said with a wink. 

"I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not." Aziraphale said with a laugh. 

"I'm going to give you two some alone time." Angeline said as she got to her feet. She could let Crowley shower later when he was feeling up to it. "It's good to have you back, boss." 

"Thank you, Angeline." Crowley smiled. He would find a way to repay her in the future. She quietly left the room and Crowley just held on to Aziraphale's hand. 

"All that's left is to let Azrael know." Aziraphale nodded. 

"Are you sure this is what you want, angel? To really be back?" Crowley brought Aziraphale's hand up to his lips but the grip was lost before he could kiss the back of his hand. 

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life. Or, well. My existence." Aziraphale chuckled. 

"Give me a couple of days? I need to get my strength back before I try anything." Crowley stretched again. He really did feel awful. His entire body was aching. 

"Of course, my love. Anything you need." Aziraphale nodded and stepped away from the bed. What was a few more days if it gained him eternity?


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The spell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the actual final chapter of this story. Just to give you a head's up. I know I've been adding to it all along but it's officially complete now.

It was a spell. Aziraphale had contacted Anathema through Angeline and she'd told him all about it. The spell had never been performed that she knew of because there was one ingredient that no one could ever get their hands on. She wasn't even sure that it would work but she was willing to try. She gathered up the ingredients that she could and made her way to London. 

Traveling at her age wasn't easy. She was nearly 60 after all. She couldn't believe it had already been more than 30 years since she met Newt. Time really did fly. Getting her ingredients into the country had been easy enough. She just explained that they were medicinal and that was that. She took the night to rest and they made plans to perform the spell the next night. 

"Are you sure you actually want to do this?" Crowley asked for about the hundredth time in the week since they made the decision. 

"I am very sure." Aziraphale nodded. "I'm tired of not being able to touch you properly. To hold you." 

"It would be nice to actually feel warmth again." Crowley ran his fingers through his hair. He missed Aziraphale's warmth. He always ran a little warmer than Crowley and it made it a lot easier to heat up after being out in the cold. 

"Exactly." Aziraphale nodded. "And I miss food. And wine. Every time I watch you drink wine I'm jealous." He chuckled. 

"We'll have as much food and wine as you want when you get your body back." Crowley smiled and sat down on the couch. 

"Thank you." Aziraphale grinned. 

The next night everything was set up in the upstairs living room. There were candles all around and a brass pot in the middle of a circle. Anathema was sitting on a pillow near the circle. 

"What all do you need?" Angeline asked. She wanted to help them with the spell in any way she could. Witchcraft always fascinated her. 

"I have most of the ingredients. hatched eggshell pieces, rose petals, nettles, and lotus leaves." She started to look through the list. "I need an item that belonged to Aziraphale." 

"Easy enough." Crowley said as he held out Aziraphale's favorite bow tie. 

"You kept it all these years?" Aziraphale said, getting a little emotional. The room got rather cold. 

"Of course I kept it." Crowley rolled his eyes like it was a ridiculous question. 

"Right." Anathema took the bow tie and placed it with the ingredients she had. "I need a feather from the angel of death. That's why I'm pretty sure that nobody's ever performed this spell before." She looked up at Crowley. 

"So that's what you needed me for." Azrael said from the corner. She was invisible at the moment. She unfurled her wings and moved one closer to Crowley. "Go ahead." 

"Thank you." Crowley whispered. He pulled a feather from her wing. Angeline and Anathema were both surprised when a feather seemed to appear out of his hand from nowhere. "There you go." He smiled as he held the feather out to Anathema. 

"That was.....okay." She nodded and put the feather in the bowl as well. 

"And the last ingredient." Angeline asked. This was all very exiting. 

"This one doesn't make sense but it is one of the ingredients." She cleared her throat. "The final ingredient is the blood of an enemy." 

"Enemy?" Aziraphale frowned. "But I don't have any enemi.....what are you doing?" He asked as he watched Crowley take a knife and slice into the palm of his hand. He held his hand over the bowl and let some of his black blood drip into it. 

"We're hereditary enemies. You used to say that to me all the time." Crowley shrugged. Anathema watched the blood drip for a moment before she nodded. Crowley took a handkerchief out of his pocket and wrapped it around his hand. 

"Is that even going to work? You and I aren't actually enemies." Aziraphale looked between Anathema and Crowley. 

"Demon blood is demon blood. The spell can't tell the difference. You're an angel, that means a demon is your enemy. We'll see if it works." Anathema shrugged. She wasn't actually expecting the spell to work but she was going to try anyway. 

"So what now?" Angeline was getting more excited by the minute. 

"Am I still needed?" Azrael asked. When Crowley shook his head she looked at Aziraphale. "Good luck." And then she was gone. 

"Now, Aziraphale, you need to enter the circle. Crowley, Angeline, I need you to join hands and close your eyes. I'm going to say the spell once and then I need the two of you to say it with me." Anathema got to her feet and held out her hands to both Crowley and Angeline. 

"This is a little ridiculous." Crowley said with a chuckle as he took both Anathema and Angeline's hands. Angeline took his hand and Anathema's, creating a circle around Aziraphale. They all closed their eyes as Anathema started. 

"Dead rise. Quickly return. The spirit incarnate rises and withdrawn." Anathema opened her eyes and looked at Crowley and Angeline. They all recited the spell together three times before Anathema let go of their hands and threw a match into the bowl. There was a bright flash and a cloud of smoke filled the circle but didn't go outside of it. 

"Did it work?" Crowley asked, blinking through the smoke. 

"You tell me." Aziraphale said as he reached out and took Crowley's hand. Crowley gasped at the warmth he felt. 

"Zira....." Crowley put his hands on Aziraphale's cheeks and grinned. 

"It really worked." Anathema sounded absolutely surprised. 

"Holy fuck it actually did." Angeline smiled. 

"You're really back." Crowley kept his hands on Aziraphale's cheeks. Aziraphale put his hands on Crowley's hips and nodded, tears forming in his eyes. 

"I really am. And there's something I've been wanting to do for twenty years." Before Crowley could reply, Aziraphale leaned in and gave him a passionate kiss, wrapping his arms around Crowley and pulling him close. One of Crowley's hands moved to the back of Aziraphale's head and the other slipped down around his shoulders. 

"This is awkward." Anathema said with a chuckle as she started to gather up her things. 

"Yeah, maybe we should go...." Angeline started for the door. 

"So sorry." Aziraphale said after breaking the kiss. He had his forehead resting against Crowley's. 

"No, we're really not." Crowley said with a chuckle. The two ladies just laughed and gave each man a hug before leaving the apartment. 

"Never discorporate again, you hear me?" Crowley said, poking his finger into Aziraphale's chest. 

"I promise." Aziraphale smiled before kissing Crowley again. Crowley kissed back with just as much passion as before. He put everything he felt for Aziraphale into that kiss. He finally had his angel back in the flesh and he fully intended to take advantage of that immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The spell ingredients were put together by me just made up as I went. The incantation is actually the English translation of the Latin from Rowena's resurrection spell from S15 E6 of Supernatural.


End file.
